Recently I found myself in the car, listening to the radio (as one does) when I changed the station to a talk show. The topic of conversation this time around was the argument against ordaining women as priests within the Catholic Church. I for one don’t see why the Catholic Church won’t allow women into the clergy, but that is not the topic of this post. Maybe another one in the future.

At the time I paid no heed, but then news reports started popping up regarding a new Vatican press release. A quick visit to Atheist Ireland’s website showed me what, precisely was going on. Oh dear, Vatican, you seem to have really screwed up this time. Comparing the crime of ordaining a female priest to the crime of child sex abuse, and then saying that the sex abuse isn’t as bad? I didn’t like you before, Vatican, now I…wait a minute.

After some research and browsing across forums all around the internet and listening to yet more news, the truth slowly unfurled, and I realised yet again why I despise the media. The whole thing, it appears, is hype. What actually occurred was that the Church had released a document which detailed both crimes within it. However, nowhere is a comparison actually drawn between the two. Granted, the document was originally regarding the sex abuse scandal, so perhaps throwing in the female priest issue was a fantastically stupid thing to do. And after reading said document myself the Church does declare automatic excommunication for the female priest, whereas the sex offender isn’t automatically excommunicated. That seems insulting and highly offensive to me. But nowhere is a comparison made between the two.

I found two major schools of thought here. The people out to demonise the Catholic Church, and the members of said Church who were stalwartly defending it. Both sides were hurling insults and making futile and quite frankly pathetic arguments to defend their own viewpoint. Be it discarding entire Gospels because they mention female disciples, or declaring every priest responsible for the abhorrent actions of a few. The only people who were making any effort to remain diplomatic and calm were the people in the middle who had actually done the research and found out that the media had simply misrepresented the Church’s intentions.

The Church certainly does seem to have shot itself in the foot, but it hardly committed as grave a crime as people are making it out to be. They did something stupid, but they didn’t outright compare female priests to child rapists. Not a massive improvement from the falsified accusation.

But it’s an improvement.

Since last Thursday I have spent a drum total of one night in my own bed, and every other night I have spent sleeping in someone else’s house (usually on a couch). Hence the complete and utter lack of anything to do with the internet. No blog posts, no tweeting and no Entrecard dropping. Apologies to everyone for dropping out of the blogosphere unannounced, but most of what occurred over the weekend was unplanned.

However, a lot has happened in that time that I’ve been away. I updated my WordPress install, started a new website and whopped some serious ass in Rome: Total War multiplayer. I’m particularly proud of that last one, since I usually suck massively in strategy games. And that’s not all I’ve done in the past half a week.

Those of you that are unaware of my alter-ego in the online world (my more legitimate and awesome one, not the less awesome one) will also be unaware of its status as a Freelance writer. Recently, however, I turned those writing skills to something I wanted to do. In short, ladies and gents, I intend on writing a short science-fiction story. Thanks to friends in certain places, I also have two Sci-Fi magazines which would be willing to publish said short story if it’s of good enough quality. So wish me luck!

In closing: Social Lives are evil and must be destroyed, for they detract from the Great Justice of the internet. How many of you have lost their battle against the evils of sociability?

No you will not get pictures, since that would give away my identity. Juts trust me it’s blue.

I desperately need things to do. Since the job hunt is failing I have loads of spare time on my hand, and I am desperate for things to do. I’ve taken to playing a new game called “Neptune’s Pride” online, which has served as some entertainment and I also play more Facebook games than are healthy for me. Does anyone have anything else for me to do? I’m open to pretty much anything. When a friend of mine gets back from her time in Meath on an Archaeological dig site, the two of us are getting piercings.

I’m open to suggestions no matter the weirdness of them.

At first I read the post, left a comment explaining that I had the same issue. I find it much harder to forgive myself of my mistakes than I do of forgiving others. It was only when the blog’s author responded that I actually began to think about why this is so. Why do I find it so hard to et my own mistakes slide when all it takes from others is a sincere apology. It took me a while, and the question wouldn’t leave my mind until finally I came to an answer. It wasn’t a particularly heartwarming answer, nor an overly satisfactory one, but at least I had a reason.

I can never forgive myself because I am less deserving of forgiveness. In my eyes at least.

Let me explain. I generally see myself as being extremely lucky to have the life I do. I have a group of amazing friends, a comfortable life and a good education. The problem is I cannot find what I have done to earn all this, I kind of feel it’s just been handed to me. I’m grateful, of course, but I feel like I owe the world something. This is why I’m more than happy to walk to the other end of campus to buy a friend a drink, or accompany a friend to a library so they can have some company during the walk. It’s why I so rarely hold grudges. In fact, as of this moment, there is only two (maybe three) people in the world I can actually say I hold a grudge against or dislike.

Due to this feeling of owing everyone something, it kind of places me on a lower rank than others in my life. I won’t call someone because I could be interrupting something important. I will ask permission before joining friends at a table. It’s this “lesser status” which has me finding difficulty when it comes to forgiving myself. Even if I commit the exact same crime against a friend as they do against me, I’ll be more than willing to accept an apology from them, but even when I apologise for what I’ve done I still feel guilty. There are a great many things I regret doing in my life which I still cannot forgive myself for doing.

That said, I’m not looking for pity or comfort. It’s just who I am, similar to how someone may be uncomfortable with their appearance. I accept it as who I am, deal with it and move on in life. I don’t let it eat at me.

If you’re reading this and you think to yourself “Hey, he’s like I am. I have trouble as well,” then please let me know. I’d offer some advice and tell you something like “Of course you’re worth forgiveness”, but that would be terribly hypocritical of me. What I can offer is to accept your mistakes. Even if you can’t forgive them, do not allow your blunders and your crimes to control your life or eat away at you. Because then you suffer the wound twice.

It means we’re not in the World Cup because of you. We’re not in the World Cup because one of your citizens is a cheater and a liar.

Oh, don’t mistake me for someone who actually follows sports. I’m about as sports-loving as a rock or a sloth. But this was too far France. You had all of Ireland raging for your blood, and a good few non-Irish countries too. But Karma is a cruel bitch of a mistress.

I love Karma, she makes me so happy sometimes.

You lost France. You lost badly. You lost badly several times. And now you’re no longer in the World Cup. Sucks to be you, bitch.

All the best,

Niemand.