Sometimes…

“Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.” Roman author Publilius Syrus.

Sometimes you forget why you exist. You forget everything you have because you’ve lost so much.

Sometimes there are no emotions, no feelings, no forgiveness. No forgetting or moving past what has happened.

Sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum up the events that have happened.

Sometimes you feel like you’ve let everybody down, and even though you did absolutely everything you could, you still feel like you’ve failed. Like it’s your fault.

I can’t write anymore. Not today. I just barely scraped together the Music Monday post this week.

Last Saturday, my best friend, the man who dragged me back from the brink of depression and suicide…Last Saturday, Valens hanged himself.

In two weeks I have lost the only people in this world I trust. In the past few months the only person I have ever loved left me, I have watched my own self-pity push away those I count as friends. And the closest thing I had to a family I can talk to has gone where I cannot follow. Where do you turn when there’s noone to talk to? How do you rationalise everything that’s happened?

I don’t know when I’ll post next. Hell, no-one even reads this blog. Nobody cares. Why should I post at all? For the first time in my life, I feel like I have no-one to turn to. Maybe I’m wrong…

Like I said, sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum up what’s happened in your life. No emotions, no feelings, and no hope. Sometimes, you just give up.

6 Responses to “Sometimes…”

1. Becky says:

   August 6, 2009 at 5:58 am

   OMG you need a hug. It will get better…I know it’s tough to hear, but it will…you can read my story (save becky) on my site. Maybe it will make you feel better. Hugs.

   Reply
2. Diff.thinkr says:

   August 6, 2009 at 12:03 pm

   So………….sorry for you….I don’t know what else to say!!!!!!!!

   Reply
3. Diff.thinkr says:

   August 6, 2009 at 12:08 pm

   I have a post linking to yours……thought I should let you know……….

   Reply
4. Becky says:

   August 7, 2009 at 8:32 pm

   Thank you for linking me to your blog!! I’m going to add a blogroll too…you will be top of the list! xoxo

   Reply
5. Quick thanks | Revelations: Zero says:

   August 7, 2009 at 8:34 pm

   [...] got two replies to Wednesday’s post. Well, three. But two were from the same person. Thank you to Becky and Diff.thinkr for the [...]

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6. Dear France | Revelations: Zero says:

   June 24, 2010 at 5:45 pm

   [...] hey there France. You may not remember me. I’m that guy who’s had a crappy holiday everytime I visit you. I’m also, as you may not know (assuming you don’t [...]

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